Oh Florence, I would love to meet U

Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realize that it was you who held me under

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

Oh, I feel so ALIVE.

To connect, 

to share, 

to dream.

Stronger than ever.

 

So, we're both dreamers.

You exist for your own delight

If you feel you are gifted
Then open up to above.

You want to stay true with
the voice deep inside you
Art-is the answer.


Catti Brandelius
Oslo 2012, Kunstindustrimuseet

Czasami chciałabym żyć w tej
błogiej nieświadomości,
jednak wydaje mi sie, że osiągnięcie
świadomej błogości 
jest o wiele cenniejsze.

Jestem inna, przeklęta, wybrana.

blank canvas

Give me that slow knowing smile.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments will define us for the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief. And beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead

One Tree Hill

Nagle zapragnęła pisać. Liczyła na to, że pisanie uwolni jej duszę, pomoże jej się wznieść wyżej i wyżej, z dala od porzucania marzeń i temperowania wrażliwego postrzegania świata. Tego dnia oburzyła się, gdy przeczytała stwierdzenie "if you want to achieve happiness - lower your demands". Potworne tchórzostwo, bzdeta napisania z myślą o zrezygnowanych ludziach.
Choćbym miała skonać, nie zrezygnuję z moich marzeń.

//

"- Why have you taken this job?
- I like designing houses. (...)
- But why do you make fun of it? Why not do something you believe in, which is true inside yourself?
- Then I'd be idle. What about you?
- I try to busy myself with things I believe in. To live in line with some form of truth.
- How do you know which is right?
- People feel what is true and what is right. We fail, but I think we should strive for spiritual perfection."


Bergman The passion of Anna

Otumaniona swoimi myślami, impulsywnie wstała, rozerwała blok leżący naprzeciw, który patrzył na nią gniewnie od paru dni, chwyciła pierwszy pędzel, czerwoną farbę i zaczęła mazać. Tak, dosłownie mazać. Gdy próbowała wyrazić swe myśli, przypomniała sobie, że brak jej techniki, więc zaciapała to, co próbowała namalować. Ciapała, ciapała, aż poczuła ulgę.
Chce przelać swe rozgoryczenie na papier, chce ukarać go za swoje cierpienie, chce uwolnić swoje myśli, by pozwoliły jej oddychać.
Chce odseparować jej okupioną cieżarem odczuwania duszę od resztek slońca, które się w niej gnieżdżą. Chce by cierpiąca część jej duszy znalazła się na papierze i oddychała niezależnie, podczas gdy jej ciało odnajdzie okruszki slońca i odważy się na to, do czego po cichu wzdycha i marzy.

Musiałam zrobić przerwę w blogowaniu, bo czułam, że przestałam przekazywać to, co chciałabym aby się tu znalazło.
Nawet nie wiecie jak ucieszyły mnie pytania o niego. Budującym jest fakt, że ktoś odczuwa i dąży do budowania swojego własnego magicznego świata. Świata marzeń i głębszego odczuwania.

Te dwa tygodnie absencji były dla mnie niezwykle urodzajne duchowo, nigdy w życiu nie czułam się mocniejsza i bardziej zgodna z moim wewnętrznym ja niż teraz, więc wracam ze świeżymi refleksjami.

I was thinking...
For me it's better I don't
romanticize things as much anymore.
I was suffering so much all the time.
I still have lots of dreams, but they're
not in regard to my love life.
It doesn't make me sad,
it's just the way it is.

Is that why you're in a relationship
with somebody who's...
never around?

Yes, obviously, I can't deal with
the day to day life of a relationship.
Yeah, we have, you know,
this exciting time together
and then he leaves and I miss him,
but at least I'm not dying inside.
When someone is always
around me, I'm like suffocating!

No, wait, you just said that
you need to love and be loved...

Yeah, but when I do,
it quickly makes me nauseous!
It's a disaster...
I mean, I'm really happy
only when I'm on my own.
Even being alone...
it's better than...
sitting next to a lover
and feeling lonely.
It's not so easy for me to be a romantic.
You start off that way, and,
after you've been
screwed over a few times...
You... you forget about all your
delusional ideas, and you
just take what comes into your life.
That's not even true, I haven't been...
screwed over, I've just had too many...
bla relationship. They weren't mean,
they cared for me, but...
they were no real...
connection, or excitement.
At least, not from my side.

//

You know...
it's not even that, I was...
I was fine.
Until I read your fucking book!
It stirred shit out from you,
It reminded me how...
genuinely romantic I was,
how I had so much hope in things and...
now it's like...
I don't believe in anything
that relates to love,
I don't feel things for people anymore.
In a way...
I put all my romanticism
into that one night
and I was never able
to feel all this again.
Like...
somehow this night took
things away from me and...
I expressed them to you and
you took them with you!
It made me feel cold,
like if love wasn't for me!


//


Before Sunset

Again,
I heard I am so much like her, or she is so much like me.
Is that so?

xx

Chloe

Btw, did I ever mention how deeply I fell in love with this movie? It's so simple, and so magical at once.

Jestem może bledsza, trochę śpiąca, trochę bardziej milcząca. Lecz widać można żyć 

 

bez 

powietrza.

/ Well, you know what it's like when you first sleep with someone you don't know?
It's... you, like, become this blank canvas and it gives you an opportunity to project onto that canvas who you want to be. That's what's interesting because everybody does that.
Well, what happens is while you're projecting who you want to be... this gap opens up between who you want to be and who you really are. And in that gap, it shows you what's stopping you becoming who you want to be./

Weekend, 2011